practice in the monotony of perserverence

I have trouble facing people. Ok, most of my friends would say I have trouble facing most people. That's just me. That's just my shy nature. But I think that for all of us there is always at least one person that is a little more difficult to face. Not for fear of being judged, but for the mirror they place in front of us.

I still struggle with facing my mirror. I don't know how to describe her... outside she's strong, independent, she represents a lot of what I wish I was, a lot of what I could be if I only let myself. But she struggles, a lot... to see her struggles is like facing my own... looking into my own dark pool of desperation and sadness and fearing that I will fall in if I get too close. Her words pick at every small crack in the shell I hold around myself, around my emotions to keep it all at bay, every encounter requiring more plaster to hold it all together.

She's stronger than me, in her own right... strong enough to put herself out there, to feel... to make an attempt at living while I keep myself walled up too afraid to move, lest I crack more and finally break. She doesn't seem to be afraid of cracking, perhaps she has cracked a million times and learned to pick up the pieces and make herself anew. Perhaps she has just learned to pick up the pieces and keep going, gaining strength in the exercise, practice in the monotony of perserverence...


either way, I'm running out of plaster...