Walk - (personality) talk - (personality)

'Cause you got a great big heart
Well over -and over I'll be a fool for you
Well, well, well over and over
What more can I do

'Cause you've got - (personality)
Walk - (personality) talk - (personality)
Smile - (personality) charm - (personality)
Love - (personality)

Personality. I wish that was a course in college. Or perhaps a major in itself. The required coursework would include, Conversation 101, Tactics in Tactfulness, Progress Through Projection, and an Identity Intensive - among others, of course. Students would graduate with a complete understanding of who they are and how to sell themselves to the world. All theses from this course would begin with "I am awesome, and by the end of this you're going to think so too!"
Unfortunately, there is no such course. I know... bummer, right?

Of course, if there were such a course, perhaps the streamlined express lane into having a strong, ready-to-wear personality would cheat us of the important long journey to self-discovery.

Still... it would be nice.

I feel like, more and more, success isn't about your talents it is more about who you know and how well you shmooze... My friends and I can easily critique another photographer's work finding validity or unfairness in their success - mostly unfairness - and get very high on our horses proclaiming how much better we could do things and how it's crap that this person has a show, or that person has recognition. What do they know??

...really? what do we know?

I used to hold on to the faith that success comes from talent. No matter what, if your work is good enough, you can succeed. But how many amazing artists are walled up in their studios making work that no one ever sees while others have shows all over the place with work that pales in comparison? I feel like we, no I, have been deluding myself into believing that I just have to make work. If it is good, it sells, if it doesn't then it isn't good. But that isn't it. Personality is what sells. The ability to sell yourself and then your work is what makes someone successful.

Well fuck... I'm screwed.

It's easy to pass judgement on another. To be righteous and say, "She shouldn't be in this gallery. I know so many people who are better than this who should be here!" But in the end, I'm screaming righteousness at the top of my lungs (or proclaiming loudly in my quiet voice, really) just to drown out the realization that I am alone. I am the one that put myself here. I am screaming to the walls I have built up who don't care what I have to say, while those others I pass judgement on so freely are leagues ahead of my screams doing their own thing and making it.

What... Am... I... DOING??

(anyone noticing a general theme here? no, not within this post, within this blog.
yes? yeah, me too... stick with me though. I'm not ready to give up just yet.)